Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. (The Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Outlawing Emotional Abuse?
This is an interesting story. Is this necessary? It is even doable? What do you think?
I just read the link you included here. I take it, that you are referring to emotional abuse in a mariage/love relationship? And only because you asked Darby, I shall jump out on a limb,
First, I do believe there is such a thing as verbal abuse. There are veses in Scripture showing there are ways in which to "build up" and "tear down" by the use of words. When someone feels perpetually torn down, it will produce manifestations. When a man would rather sit up on the corner of his roof, than inside listening to the words of his contentious wife....come on, the guy cannot be "feeling the love" at that moment! Having a crushed spirit is not pleasant!
Second, while I personally do not believe that verbal abuse always leads to physical abuse, I think if physical abuse is present, verbal abuse often accompanies it, so in some regard, true verbal abuse should be taken seriously.
Here's the touchy part...what constitutes emotional abuse? May I use a quote from the link you posted?
"We're talking about the regular, repetitive verbal and psycho-logical treatment characteristic of abusers vis-À-vis their victims. There's a clear difference between mental cruelty and having a row over where to go on vacation."
I personally think there is validity in the above quote. Remember the old expression we used as kids,"sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? True...words won't hurt us physically! But I personally believe that over time, a relationship does get battered and even scarred, through verbal/emotional abuse.
I used to hold to a belief that as long as a spouse never physically strikes the other, you should be able to deal with it, because no true harm has been done. I used to think women should just buck up, suck it up, and keep on truckin....as long as he never hits you! True, 70x7 needs to be at work in the life of a Christian...and that is VERY hard! And we're called to forgive when no apology is forthcoming. Especially when no apology is forthcoming. For some, the offense scenario is nonstop. For some, the verbal insults are continual, harsh, and totally unprovoked. And sometimes(since we are talking about emotional abuse), words aren't even needed! A chronically detached, unemotional, intentionally negligent attitude toward another can speak volumes! Ok...now, where do I go with all I've just said?
Should emotional abuse be outlawed? Wow...that should tie up the courts real nice! What constitutes emotional abuse? Everyone's emotional tolerance level differs! After being taken to court for emotional abuse, I'd imagine a relationship could only deteriorate further! If you really are a jerk and get hauled into court, you'll soon leave that relationship before being dragged through court again! If you really aren't a jerk, but get taken to court, you'll be walking on eggshells...and nobody likes that kind of pressure! lol
In the end, my opinion is that there are situations where words can be used abusively, with an intent to damage and cause emotional pain. If the two are not married, I'd say, " You do not have to stay in that environment, if it really bothers you."
From a Christian perspective, I personally believe that if one spouse is perpetually using verbal abuse with an intent to damage and cause emotional pain to the other, it should certainly be confronted."
I think verbal abuse is real, and I think spirits can be crushed. As a Christian, I think God's Word addresses the topic sufficiently.
Ok.... after so much ado, in one sentence... "I think the very idea of outlawing emotional abuse is unnecessary and silly!"
I have been thinking about this post for the last few days. I don't really see how one could possibly to do this. I support no fault divorce for the simple reason that it is terribly antagonistic to bring up another person's human failings in court. It is better to quietly go separate ways.
However, I strongly promote the notion that a bride making a vow of obedience in the wedding service should be made illegal. It is a travesty of justice to allow someone to vow to obey someone else. I wsh all Christians would reject this outright so that women could take appropriate action in getting help if they are in an abusive situation, either verbal or physical.
Outlawing emotional abuse would be like outlawing sin in general and God has already done that. Whether it is emotional abuse or any other sin we are guilty of, Praise God that He has given us a Way out of it in the person of Jesus.
3 comments:
Hi there~
I just read the link you included here. I take it, that you are referring to emotional abuse in a mariage/love relationship? And only because you asked Darby, I shall jump out on a limb,
First, I do believe there is such a thing as verbal abuse. There are veses in Scripture showing there are ways in which to "build up" and "tear down" by the use of words. When someone feels perpetually torn down, it will produce manifestations. When a man would rather sit up on the corner of his roof, than inside listening to the words of his contentious wife....come on, the guy cannot be "feeling the love" at that moment! Having a crushed spirit is not pleasant!
Second, while I personally do not believe that verbal abuse always leads to physical abuse, I think if physical abuse is present, verbal abuse often accompanies it, so in some regard, true verbal abuse should be taken seriously.
Here's the touchy part...what constitutes emotional abuse? May I use a quote from the link you posted?
"We're talking about the regular, repetitive verbal and psycho-logical treatment characteristic of abusers vis-À-vis their victims. There's a clear difference between mental cruelty and having a row over where to go on vacation."
I personally think there is validity in the above quote. Remember the old expression we used as kids,"sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"?
True...words won't hurt us physically! But I personally believe that over time, a relationship does get battered and even scarred, through verbal/emotional abuse.
I used to hold to a belief that as long as a spouse never physically strikes the other, you should be able to deal with it, because no true harm has been done. I used to think women should just buck up, suck it up, and keep on truckin....as long as he never hits you! True, 70x7 needs to be at work in the life of a Christian...and that is VERY hard! And we're called to forgive when no apology is forthcoming. Especially when no apology is forthcoming. For some, the offense scenario is nonstop. For some, the verbal insults are continual, harsh, and totally
unprovoked. And sometimes(since we are talking about emotional abuse), words aren't even needed! A chronically detached, unemotional, intentionally negligent attitude toward another can speak volumes!
Ok...now, where do I go with all I've just said?
Should emotional abuse be outlawed? Wow...that should tie up the courts real nice! What constitutes emotional abuse? Everyone's emotional tolerance level differs!
After being taken to court for emotional abuse, I'd imagine a relationship could only deteriorate further!
If you really are a jerk and get hauled into court, you'll soon leave that relationship before being dragged through court again! If you really aren't a jerk, but get taken to court, you'll be walking on eggshells...and nobody likes that kind of pressure! lol
In the end, my opinion is that there are situations where words can be used abusively, with an intent to damage and cause emotional pain.
If the two are not married, I'd say, " You do not have to stay in that environment, if it really bothers you."
From a Christian perspective, I personally believe that if one spouse is perpetually using verbal abuse with an intent to damage and cause emotional pain to the other, it should certainly be confronted."
I think verbal abuse is real, and I think spirits can be crushed. As a Christian, I think God's Word addresses the topic sufficiently.
Ok.... after so much ado, in one sentence...
"I think the very idea of outlawing emotional abuse is unnecessary and silly!"
I have been thinking about this post for the last few days. I don't really see how one could possibly to do this. I support no fault divorce for the simple reason that it is terribly antagonistic to bring up another person's human failings in court. It is better to quietly go separate ways.
However, I strongly promote the notion that a bride making a vow of obedience in the wedding service should be made illegal. It is a travesty of justice to allow someone to vow to obey someone else. I wsh all Christians would reject this outright so that women could take appropriate action in getting help if they are in an abusive situation, either verbal or physical.
Outlawing emotional abuse would be like outlawing sin in general and God has already done that. Whether it is emotional abuse or any other sin we are guilty of, Praise God that He has given us a Way out of it in the person of Jesus.
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